


Situation Normal

by shinealightonme



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-23
Updated: 2011-08-23
Packaged: 2017-10-23 00:19:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/244186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinealightonme/pseuds/shinealightonme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Either the Doctor had changed the plans, or she had an interloper. Whichever it was, there was certainly going to be a show."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Situation Normal

**Author's Note:**

> written for deadflowers5 for the owemebreakfast gift exchange.

The blast caught River by surprise. She was absolutely certain she hadn't planted any explosives by the front entrance – too heavily fortified, too obvious a choice – and yet, there it was, great billowing clouds of smoke coming from that direction.

Either the Doctor had changed the plans, or she had an interloper. Whichever it was, there was certainly going to be a show.

She'd slunk most of the way through the compound before catching anything really worth seeing. A pair of soldiers were not so much _hiding_ as they were standing in a corner, really hoping no one would notice them. River might not have, but they looked a little too perfect. Every piece of uniform polished and in place, like they'd stepped right out of a parade inspection, or a propaganda poster.

She slowed her approach and watched long enough to catch a flash of something that was not a regulation phaser, and probably wouldn't be invented for another hundred years.

River loved Time Agents. They were so adorably lost, like animals just learning to walk, and what they lacked in sense or tact they usually made up for with nice bottoms. The pair she was sneaking up behind were no exception.

"Having trouble, are we, boys?" River called out. The Time Agents whirled around, anachronistic weapons drawn and pointed squarely at her. "Let me guess, your plan only went so far as to figure out how you would break in, and now that you're on the inside, you haven't a clue where to go next. Does that sound about right?"

"Just our luck," one of the Agents muttered. "A clever one."

"More clever than you," his partner added. He seemed to notice that River wasn't trying to threaten them, and that he could use a less hostile approach in return. He holstered his weapon and smiled, turning on the charm. "Evening, ma'am. Would you care to join us for a stroll?"

"A stroll through a top secret military base that currently houses a number of non-operational but ludicrously valuable artifacts? That does sound marvelous, but I'm afraid I have plans."

"A shame. Perhaps you could point us in the right direction..."

"Now why would I do that?"

"We're just a couple of hardworking men trying to make a living."

"And get out before we're surrounded by a pack of bloody Time Lords," the first Agent added.

"You've been chatting with the locals too much," the first agent said. "They're making you superstitious."

"Time Lords," River repeated, her eyebrows raised in surprise. "Well, doesn't that sound glamorous. What is a Time Lord?"

"A fairy tale." The charm was slipping a little. "Rumpelstilskin, or the Lone Centurion. A story, nothing important."

"I can hardly think of anything more important than a story."

He looked puzzled, opened his mouth for some inquiry or rebuttal, but didn't get a chance. Another explosion shook the base, further away than the last but still enough to shake the ground under River's feet.

"Would you look at that, good things do happen to bad people." The scowling agent had found cause to smile, and it turned out he had quite a lot of charm, as well. "I do believe we've got ourselves a diversion."

"You might just be right for a change," the other agent replied. "Thanks for your help, ma'am, but we'll find our way from here."

"Good luck now, boys," River called after them. "Don't get yourselves into any trouble you can't get yourselves out of."

Unexpected delay over, River figured she ought to continue with the plan. Unfortunately, she'd finished her script ages ago and was just winging it for the last several pages. She should probably find the Doctor, wherever he slunk off to.

Speaking of which...

"Well," the Doctor said, climbing down a fire escape on the building next to her. "You took your time getting rid of them. I thought you were going to invite them back to the TARDIS for tea."

"Not when we're out of sugar." River hadn't heard his approach, but gave no indication of that to him. It would only go to his head. "And I don't recall you ever being in such a rush to get rid of attractive young gentlemen."

"I hardly call a couple of pillaging Time Agents 'gentlemen'. They could have at least told you what they were planning on, breaking in here the same time as us. It's impolite."

"You could use a brush up on manners yourself," River pointed out. "You didn't even come out and say hello."

"Ah, but I couldn't do that." The Doctor got that goofy smile on his face, the one he had when he thought he knew something no one else did. "Spoilers, you know."

River thought about telling him that she already knew all about Captain Jack Harkness, but decided not to. It would be more fun to let him discover that for himself.

And anyway, it wasn't like she could explain _everything_ to him.


End file.
